Roy Graff, 51, from London, agrees with Danny Dyer about marriage and says ‘some of us have the capacity to love more than one person at a time…it can feel cruel to have to exclude others they want to connect with’
Roy Graff has been in polyamorous – meaning more than one partner – relationships for 10 years.
The 51-year-old, from London, has two long-term relationships and is currently dating three women on a casual basis.
“I don’t have a primary relationship where I live with someone,” says Roy, “but I have multiple relationships which I practice in parallel. Along with my partners, we practice lots of transparency and honesty. They know who else I’m dating and we all make sure to practice safe sex – and also to coordinate our calendars.”
When it comes to logistics Roy, who began working as a relationship coach last year after a career in digital marketing, says he spends time differently depending on which partner he’s with.
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“One of them doesn’t have any other partners, while the other has a few casual connections. I see one of the women every week to 10 days and the other I’ll see a few times week. When it comes to the more casual date we’ll go for drinks or just stay the night with each other. As long as everyone knows where they stand then it’s a good approach.”
And while Roy, and his two long-term partners, both of whom he has been seeing for around three years, normally live separately, they decided to live together during lockdown.
“We were worried about not being able to see each other,” he explains. “It wasn’t easy as we didn’t have much space or privacy and we’re all used to living on our own, but it worked for around six or eight weeks.
“The key is to be really aware of what your real needs are in a relationship. The way I see it, I don’t own anyone’s body, mind or emotions.
“Just because we’re dating they’re not obliged to give me their time or affection. I would spend two nights a week with each one, have a couple of nights to myself and then we’d get together one night to watch a film or something like that.
“We’re all quite independent and like our own space, so it was nice to get that back later on.”
Roy, who runs website openrelating.love, has been married in the past but thinks it’s unlikely he’ll wed again – because he thinks like Danny Dyer.
“For me it didn’t feel right,” he says. “The structures just didn’t work for me and I wasn’t comfortable with the idea there was only this one person I was going to spend time with.
“I believe some of us have the capacity to love more than one person at a time and for people like that it can feel cruel to have to exclude others they want to connect with.”