In high school, the way to get a guy to like you was to fake disinterest, wait a few days to text him back, and ignore all of his attempts to get closer to you. But now you’re older, there’s a guy you like, and you want to know how to get him to like you without playing games or, worse, coming on too strong and scaring him away.
Here’s everything you need to know to get a guy to like you back and remain in the power seat.
Here’s how to get a guy to like you
1. Build your sexy confidence
Little Love Step #1 of my 7 Little Love Steps is to build your sexy confidence as a woman because confidence is sexy.
The key to getting a guy to like you? Like yourself. Be your biggest cheerleader.
So, how do you do this? By tapping into your feminine energy, recognizing your value, and learning to fall deeply in love… with yourself. Do this, and you will automatically radiate an energy of confidence and abundance when you’re meeting guys and going on dates. Just watch as men are drawn to you.
Acts of self-love you can show yourself today:
- Give yourself a compliment
- Write a list of all your achievements, then read it back to yourself
- Do something your future self will thank you for
- Cook a nourishing meal from scratch
- Pamper yourself: do a face mask, paint your nails, etc.
- Move your body in a way that feels good (swimming, yoga, dancing)
- Let go of one negative person in your life who is bringing you down
2. Know who you are and own what you want
One of the best ways to get a guy to like you early on is to be open and honest with him. I don’t mean you have to tell him your entire life story on a first date, but be clear about what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for something serious and aren’t interested in casual hookups, don’t hesitate to communicate this early on. It’s okay to want that—don’t feel any shame or guilt for wanting what you want.
There is a misconception that telling a guy you want a relationship too early on will scare him away. But this will only scare away the commitment-phobes, which is what you want. The right man won’t be put off; he will probably like you more for it. A woman who knows who she is and what she wants and owns it is sexy.
3. Have an amazing life without him
If you want to know how to get a guy to like you, do not make him your entire world. High-value men are attracted to women with full, vibrant, independent lives, a busy social calendar, and interesting things going on. Not the women waiting by their phones who are available to hang out last minute.
If that doesn’t sound like you, it’s not too late. There’s no better time to start creating an amazing life for yourself than now. Pursue your hobbies, try new ones, socialize with friends and make new ones, go back to school, take an online course, volunteer in your community—there are endless things to do that don’t involve him!
4. Lean into your feminine energy
We touched on feminine energy earlier, but I feel it needs a whole paragraph of its own because women harbor so many misconceptions about it.
Contrary to what you might believe and what society often teaches us, feminine energy is not weak. It is powerful. And men and women need a healthy balance of both energies.
If you’re looking for more of a masculine man, you’ve got to lean into your feminine when you’re out meeting and dating guys. Because this allows them to lean into their masculine. If you show up in a masculine, dominant, take-charge approach, you will push him into his more feminine, receptive, thoughtful side.
This doesn’t mean you stay in your feminine throughout your relationship with a man, but it helps create that tension and buildup at the start and will generate attraction.
5. Get him talking about his passions
The next tip on how to get a guy to like you is to ask him what he’s most passionate about. When we talk about things we love that bring us huge amounts of joy, it naturally makes us light up and feel good. And if he gets that feeling on a date with you, he will associate it with you and instinctively want to be around you more. The more he’s around you and feeling good, the more attracted he will become to you.
It’s equally important that you open up to him about the things you love. When you talk about what you’re most passionate about, you will naturally light up and come alive, and this energy is contagious.
6. Brush up on your flirting skills
Flirting is simply talking to someone with an undercurrent of romantic intent. There’s more connection than in a friendship or professional conversation. Some simple ways to flirt include playfully teasing a guy (yes, the same way you did when you were ten years old, just more sophisticated teasing), giving him earned compliments, and maintaining an air of mystery about yourself.
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Since 93% of communication is non-verbal, your body language matters more than you think. Pay attention to what you say, but also how you say it—voice tonality matters. Smile while talking (I call this “smalking”). Break the touch barrier if it feels appropriate. Give him plenty of eye contact. Exude confidence by standing tall and with your shoulders back.
You don’t want to accidentally communicate that you’re not interested by doing any of the following:
- Crossed arms
- An “I’m too cool for you” look
- Deer in headlights look
- Fidgeting or excessive playing with your hair
- Inattentiveness or staring at your phone
- Masculine body language
7. Touch him
Consent is sexy, so you don’t want to touch a guy in a way that makes him uncomfortable. Keep it all G-rated.
Maybe that means you give him a friendly hug when you first meet him at the start of your date, you fix his tie at the end of the night, or you lightly brush his hand when he makes you laugh.
Even the smallest touches can feel electric and signal to him that you’re interested without being too obvious.
8. Ask for his help
I don’t want to sound like I’m stuck in the 1950s and one of those old-fashioned men who believe that women are helpless damsels in distress who need a man to rescue them. I’m not that guy. But one of the easiest ways to get a guy to like you is to ask him for help with something. A challenging personal dilemma, a meditation app recommendation, or some of the nicer neighborhoods in town to look for a new apartment.
Men like to be helpful, and we like being needed. Show him you value his opinion, and he will feel smart and good about himself.
9. Keep your options open
Another surefire way to get a guy to like you is to have lots of options. Don’t meet a guy you really like, then invest all your time and energy into him before he has invested in you. This is a recipe for getting hurt.
The truth is men value what other men value. If a man sees that you have many options, you will instantly be more attractive. Plus, it’s good to have options. It lets you decide who’s the best fit for you before becoming exclusive.
And don’t commit to a man unless you have had the DTR (defined the relationship).
10. Maintain a little mystery
One of the most enjoyable parts of dating is getting to know someone organically over time. Every time you meet, a new layer or dimension is revealed. If you learned everything about a guy on a first date, the rest of your dating experience would be pretty boring, right?
Both women and men enjoy a bit of mystery. If you want to get a guy to like you, you can’t give him everything all at once, no matter how much he pushes for it. Be the one to maintain the mystery between you. Reserve some information and keep some cards close to your chest. This will captivate his attention and keep him wanting to know more.
11. Build emotional attraction
If you want to get a guy to like you for more than five minutes, you have to build an emotional connection. So, how do you do this?
As you get to know him more, ask him deeper questions and, if appropriate, follow up with “why?” This will encourage him to open up to you, which is essential if you want to build emotional attraction. And you’ve got to be open with him, too, and learn to be a little more vulnerable as you get to know him and build trust.
You can also start to plan dates that create a more emotional experience than your typical drinks or dinner.
Here’s a list of my recommended emotional experiences:
- Take a bike ride together
- Attend a trivia night
- Play board games
- Cook a fancy dinner at home
- Go to a blackout dinner
- Bowling/bar games/darts/ski ball/ foosball
- Paint nights
- Brewery or wine vineyard tours
- Go to a concert
- Go to an empty playground and play on the swings
- Cook a meal together, something new to the both of you
- Go to a tourist attraction and be a tourist in your city
- Find festivals and events nearby
- Create a fun viral video on your phone and edit it together
- Raise money together for a charity, or go to a charity fundraiser event
- Try an escape room (mine and Jessica’s favorite activity to do together!)
- Play physical sports together (soccer, tennis, volleyball)
- Go to an amusement park
- Complete a ropes course
- Go to a comedy show
- Try skydiving, skiing, or any other extreme sport together
12. Practice pacing
My final tip on how to get a guy to like you?
Avoid the urge to rush everything. I know you might want to hit fast-forward and get to the point where you’re already in an exclusive relationship, but then you’ll miss out on the fun of dating! Sure, that means you might go on some crappy dates or have your ego bruised a few times, but that’s all part of the deal of finding love. You don’t want to rush into something without making sure it’s right for you.
So enjoy the process. Let yourself get to know the guy while you do your best to attract him. This is what I call Little Love Step #5. You’re taking your time to decide if this guy is worth exclusivity, and slowing things down will make guys pursue you even harder.
When you focus less on trying so hard to get your crush to like you and shift your focus to living your best life and being your most radiant, confident self, it’s funny how much more attention you’ll start to attract from guys. Neediness isn’t sexy. But a woman who knows her worth and knows that she has options? She is unstoppable.
What’s your biggest takeaway from this article? Drop it in the comments below!