It’s never nice when you’re dating a guy and develop feelings for him, only to have him pull away when you least expect it. Or you’re in a relationship and get dumped, but you still love him.
It can feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath your feet, as though your entire world is falling apart.
Part of you is angry that he has made you feel so low, but the other part of you misses him and wonders if he misses you, too, or has fully moved on.
Studies have shown that 70% of couples don’t get back together after breaking up. And of the 30% that do, 14% break up again, which suggests that the chances of things working out are slim. While some relationships just aren’t meant to be, there is still a slice of hope.
So, the question is, what are the signs he will come back to you after pulling away?
4 Signs he will likely never come back:
- Toxic things were said when you broke up
- He keeps coming in and out of your life (he’s testing your boundaries to see what kind of behavior you’ll tolerate)
- He has fully moved on and looks happy in his new relationship
- You haven’t heard from him at all since you broke up
14 Signs he will come back after pulling away or breaking up with you
1. He still loves you
Just because he broke up with you or pulled away doesn’t mean he fell out of love. There are many reasons relationships break down: you have different values, it’s long-distance, or you keep fighting over the same things.
If he still loves you, he will think of you all the time and be devastated that it’s over and he’s no longer with you. And in this case, there’s a strong possibility that he may come back after pulling away.
Sometimes, it takes some distance and a sense of loss to put everything into perspective and make you realize what you’ve let go of.
2. He still treats you like his girlfriend
Will he come back after pulling away? Well, does he still treat you like he did when you were together?
Does he still check in to see how a random Monday was, send you flowers on your birthday, or call you after a night out with your girlfriends to make sure you’re safe?
These are all signs that he is treating you like his girlfriend because he wants to show you how much he still cares and is trying his best to rekindle that flame.
3. He misses you
This is one of the more obvious signs he will come back after pulling away: if he tells you that he misses you and the relationship and wants you back.
And if this is what you’ve been hoping for, it’s natural to want to blurt out, “I miss you too!” and jump back into his arms. But remember that he ended things and broke your heart. Don’t forgive him too easily. Take things slowly. Make sure his intentions are clear and figure out what is different this time.
4. He’s concerned about you
Another sign that he will come back to you after a breakup is if he still shows genuine concern for your health and well-being.
Maybe you got the flu, and he pops around with a pot of the chicken noodle soup you love. He still asks you how your friends and family are doing or asks them how you’re doing. Or he asks you if you need him to help with anything like changing the oil in your car or putting together furniture in your new place.
5. He wants to stay friends
Has he told you he wants to stay friends and still be in your life? There are two possibilities here.
- He wants all the perks of your relationship without the commitment
- He thinks that being your friend will help you become close again
Some people are good at being friends with their exes after a cool-off period. But generally, going from boyfriend and girlfriend to friends is a tricky transition, and it’s so easy to slip back into being more than platonic.
So if he has made it clear he wants to be friends, it may be because he’s hoping it transitions into something more.
6. He hasn’t visibly moved on with anyone else
Will he come back? If it has been more than six months since you broke up, and he still isn’t dating anyone new, there is a chance he might.
After all, he broke things off for a reason. He didn’t think it was the right relationship for him.
He might need more time to heal and move on, or he just isn’t interested in a relationship right now (which he might have mentioned to you). But there is a chance that he hasn’t moved on because he still wants you.
7. Or he’s rebounding like a boomerang
The alternative to him not moving on is that he has moved on quickly (too quickly) and is out there dating anyone and everyone. Within weeks of breaking up with you, he’s in a new relationship.
This is a classic case of a rebound. Everyone needs at least a few months (usually more) to heal after the end of a long-term relationship. So if he hasn’t given himself this time and space, it’s because he’s trying to distract himself from his feelings and is probably still hung up on you.
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8. He admits fault and wants you to know he is a changed man
Whether he implied he messed up via a social media post, to your friends and family, or has directly told you – if he’s admitting he was wrong to let you go, there’s a strong chance he will come back.
Maybe he acted out of anger or frustration or didn’t fully think things through. Perhaps he was unsure whether the relationship was right for him, but now he realizes it was. Or if your relationship was toxic, he may have had enough time to seek help and take responsibility for the breakdown.
But remember, actions always speak louder than words. It’s one thing for him to say he messed up and wants you back, but it’s another thing to change and do things differently the second time.
9. He hits up your phone
Is he texting and calling you regularly, asking how you are, what you’re up to, and how you’ve been?
And maybe you’ve been ignoring his messages because you’re trying to move on, and cutting all contact is the way to go.
But if he is repeatedly trying to reach you and is apologizing, admitting he messed up, and eager to talk to you, then you’ve got to think about whether you want to give him a second chance.
He wouldn’t go to all this effort if he didn’t truly miss you because he is the one who pulled away.
Take your time and only let him back in if and when you feel ready to.
10. He has become your new social media cheerleader
You may have blocked him on everything on social media if things ended badly and you’re trying to move on with your life. But if you haven’t, does he seem to be all over your social media presence since the breakup?
Is he always the first to like your photos on Instagram, watch your TikTok videos, and comment on your status updates?
These are not the actions of a guy who has moved on. He is still taking an active interest in your life and potentially wants to earn his place back in it.
11. He has a lot of questions, particularly about your love life
It’s unlikely you’re in contact with him every day, but when he does pop up, is he noticeably interested in your life, particularly your love life?
Maybe he’s asking how your friends and family are or your German Shepherd, Albus. Perhaps he’s asking how your job is going and if you’re settling into your new apartment. He may ask your friends if you’ve been dating anyone recently, or he’s direct enough to ask you if you’re seeing anyone.
He would only ask about these things if he cared about what you’re up to and wanted to know if you’ve moved on.
Even if you haven’t started dating again yet, don’t let him think you’ve been sitting, moping around, waiting for him to call!
12. He wants to see you
Has he gone a step further from texting and calling and has initiated a meetup? He says it’s just a friendly catch-up, or you left some things at his place that he’d like to return to you. But it’s just an excuse to see you and gauge where your head’s at.
He’s doing everything he can to remain in your life and on your radar and may be hoping he can slowly creep his way back into your arms.
Remember to tread carefully. Some guys will be genuine and want you back. Others just like the power of knowing they can have you when they want, so use your head and have your guard up when dealing with a guy who comes back after pulling away.
13. He asks your friends about you
Is he still in touch with your close friends and looking for updates on how you are, what’s new in your world, and what you’ve been doing? Obviously, your friends tell you everything.
One of the reasons he might be going through your friends instead of coming directly to you is that he’s unsure how you’ll react if he contacts you, so he’s playing it safe – for now. The other possibility is you’ve blocked him on everything, and he literally has no way of contacting you!
But one thing is for sure, he is still thinking about you, and there’s a good chance he will try to come back into your life.
14. He’s telling the world how over you he is
If a guy makes a conscious effort to post on social media how “over it” he is, it’s usually because he’s not over it.
So if he’s posting photos of him hooking up with other women and partying until the early morning hours, it’s because he feels a massive void, and he’s desperately trying to fill it. But it’s not working; otherwise, he would be off enjoying his life instead of telling the world how “over you” he is.
The concern here is that he’s clearly immature. If he does come back, make sure he has done some growing up before you consider giving things another try.
What to do if he comes back
- Know your worth – you don’t have to take him back just because he wants you back. Is it what you want, or have you moved on? Take all the time you need before jumping back into anything.
- Work out why you broke up in the first place – a relationship always ends for a reason. If you can’t resolve the original issue, it will break down again. Is it resolvable?
- Find out what has changed for him – why has he changed his mind? Does he genuinely realize he made a huge mistake or does he just not like the idea of you moving on and being with someone else?
- Are you both committed to the relationship and making it work a second time? If you are, take it slow and tread carefully.
My advice is that even if you still love this guy, don’t wait for him to come back after he ends things. You are not in control of anyone’s actions but your own. When you have your heart broken, it always sucks, and you might not want to move on, but remember that he already has. Even if he does come back in the future, he has chosen to end things and walk away from you. So it’s time for you to say, NEXT!
The best thing you can do now is to focus on yourself. Pour your energy into other areas of your life, surround yourself with friends and family who love you, and when you’ve taken some time to process it, start dating other men.
Have you found yourself in this situation where you wonder, “will he come back after pulling away?” If you are, tell me one thing you’re going to do today to move on and focus on yourself.