Picture this. You went on an epic first date with a guy and brought your A-game. It’s the next day, and you want to text him to tell him you had an amazing night, but you don’t want to look like a desperate Debbie. Maybe he has already texted you, and you’re obsessing over what it means and how to respond. But what on earth do you text a guy after a first date to let him know you’d love to see him again without scaring him away?
It’s easy to over-analyze things, rewrite your message a hundred times only to think it’s all super-cringe, and delete everything.
You could ask your friends for help, but if they’re single and known for ending up in complicated situationships, they’re probably not going to give you the best advice. Scratch that; they’re going to give you terrible advice.
In this post, I’m sharing when and what to text a guy after a first date to guarantee yourself a second one.
When to text a guy after a first date
In your teens and twenties, it’s an unwritten rule that you’ve got to wait 3.6 days before you text or call someone after a date or until they text you first. This is how you create that IDGAF (I don’t give a f*ck) vibe that is supposed to make a guy or girl want you even more. We all eventually grow out of this phase (hopefully).
Imagine if you had an amazing time with a guy now, and he didn’t text you for three days. You would assume he didn’t connect with you, and you’d probably give up hope that you would hear from him.
As we get older, transparency becomes more important because we realize that time is finite and we’re secure enough to be open and honest with people. If a man is into you, he’ll be pumped to hear from you. And if he didn’t feel a spark, you’ll find out much sooner than if you both waited X number of days to pick up the phone.
There are no concrete rules for when to text a guy after a first date. Later that evening or the next day is a good window to aim for and ensure you’re being respectful. This also gives you enough time to reflect on the date and decide if you want to see each other again.
You don’t need to wait for a man to text you after a date, especially if he was the one who asked you out and planned the date. If that is the case, it’s polite to thank him and tell him that you had a nice time (if you did). As this was your first meeting in person, you’ll probably have a lot to say, but make sure you keep your message short and sweet. Texting is not for writing essays!
This is a great way to open up the conversation and see if a second date might be on the cards. If he beats you to it, don’t play it cool and wait to respond. This won’t increase your chances of a second date!
What to text a guy after a first date
One of the reasons there is so much pressure on that first text after a first date is that you’re wondering if the other person wants to see you again. This confusion can be eliminated if you have this conversation at the end of your first date. It doesn’t need to be awkward. If he doesn’t bring it up, saying something like, “I’ve had a really nice time tonight,” can help kick-start the conversation and see where his head is.
If this doesn’t happen, or you need a little more time to consider whether you want to go on a second date, reflect on how it went. Does he meet your love vision? How did he make you feel? Do you want to see him again?
Once you’ve made your decision, then you’re ready to text him.
Here’s what to text a guy after a first date (if you want a second).
1. Say thank you
It might sound boring or unoriginal, but you’d be surprised how refreshing it is in our modern dating world (of ghosting and Netflix & chilling) when someone thanks you after a date.
Text him something like, “Thank you for last night. I had a wonderful time getting to know you better!”
This is a great way to start a conversation with him, see if he feels the same, and potentially bag yourself a second date.
2. Remind him of a highlight from your date
What was a stand-out moment from the date for you? What was your favorite part? Did you eat some amazing food? Did you learn something unbelievable about him? Or did he make you laugh so hard that you shot water out of your nose?
Capture this moment in your message to him. Say something like, “Last night was fun! My highlight of the date was when (insert your highlight here)… it’s still bringing a smile to my face.”
This walk down memory lane will bring him back to your date and, if it was a success, how much he enjoyed being in your company.
3. Follow up on something from your date
If you had a great time on your first date and want to see him again, chances are the conversation flowed, and you had a lot to talk about. Why end the conversation there? Pick up on something you spoke about when you text him.
“Hey! I was thinking about what you said last night about (insert topic here) – that was super interesting. I’d love to know more.”
Or nudge him about an in-joke.
“I still can’t believe you said if you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, it’d be broccoli. What the heck?!”
4. Comment on something positive about the first date
People love to be around other positive, happy, high-energy people. Following up after your first date is a brilliant way to continue with this energy and remind him how good you made him feel on your date.
That could mean you comment on how nice the bar was or how great the food was.
“I can’t believe I’ve lived in this town for years and never been to that bar. It was so fun!”
“That was hands down the best lobster I’ve ever eaten. I’m still thinking about it now!”
If he’s unsure whether you had a good time, this will clear up any doubts and give him the go-ahead to ask you on a second date.
5. Share a link to something happening they’d be into
Use what you learned on your date about this guy and shared things you have in common to drop into your text. Maybe there’s a band you both love, a sport, or perhaps you’re both really into wine (more than the average person). Do some (light) research and see what’s happening around you. If you see something you’d both enjoy, drop the link in a text to him.
“Did you know that (insert band) is playing in town next month?”
“There’s a cooking class in this amazing restaurant downtown that I think you would love!”
There’s always room for not-so-subtle hints that you want to go on a second date.
6. Make it clear you’d like to meet up again
I don’t recommend asking a guy on a second date because letting him ask you out again makes him work for it and allows him to lean into his masculine energy (and you into your feminine). But, if you’re feeling confident, you know you want to see him again, and you don’t want to waste time, be clear that you do want to see him again.
“Last night was great. I’m glad we finally got a chance to meet IRL!” We should do it again sometime.”
That’s short and sweet, and to the point. You clearly want to see him again, and you’ve put the ball in his court.
7. Suggest doing something together that came up in conversation
What you’re looking for when you’re out meeting new guys and going on dates is someone you’re compatible with and have shared interests and values with.
Hopefully, you spent time exploring each other’s interests, and if you’re keen on a second date, you probably have some things in common.
Maybe you both love art, hiking, or eating pancakes. Pick one shared interest you discovered, and weave it into your text.
“I enjoyed last night! We should do it again sometime, maybe over pancakes 🥞😉”
Or, “I walked by this incredible art gallery today on my lunch break, and they’ve got a new exhibition that I think you would love!”
8. Send a funny meme
The ability to make some laugh is underrated and truly goes a long way. A shared sense of humor is important in a relationship and will help you bond in the early stages of dating. And if you ended up sharing an in-joke, even better because this helps build intimacy.
If you did something embarrassing on the date, like snort when you laughed or took too big of a mouthful of spaghetti and couldn’t talk for a whole minute while you chowed down, make a joke of it.
Find a silly meme or gif that sums up the moment and is guaranteed to make him laugh out loud. Send it to him with a text that says, “Me last night. But honestly, it was refreshing to feel like I could be my true, dorky self with you!”
9. Be honest with him about how nervous you were
Next up on this list of what to text a guy after a first date is rooted in being open and honest. Most people get nervous going on a first date. Even if you’re incredibly confident, extroverted, and used to meeting new people all the time, going on that first in-person meetup is daunting. You don’t know if he’ll look like he does in his pictures (is he really 6ft?) or if you’ll have anything to talk about. You could be about to meet a man you never see again or someone who ends up becoming your husband. The possibilities are that wide open.
So it can be nice to shoot him a text being honest about how nervous you were.
“I was feeling the butterflies ahead of our date last night. But I felt super comfortable with you – thank you for such a lovely evening.”
10. Check out something he recommended
Did he recommend a movie, a band, or a coffee house and was raving about it so much that you felt like you had to check it out?
Well, check it out! Listen to a couple of songs from that band, watch the movie, or grab coffee at that place he suggested on your way to work. But when you text him, be honest about whether you like it.
For example, let’s say he tells you his favorite movie is Gladiator, and he’s mock offended you’ve never seen it: “everyone has to watch Gladiator!”
You’re curious, so you finally give it a watch. But you didn’t really get what all the fuss was about. I mean, sure, it was okay, and Russell Crowe wasn’t bad to look at, but there wasn’t a whole lot else going on there for you.
Send him a text like this: “So I finally watched Gladiator, and honestly, I don’t get it. Finding Nemo moved me more.”
11. Send him a (modern) mixtape
If you found out on your first date that you both have a shared love of music or are into very different genres (e.g., he’s a house man and you’re a country-pop gal), it could be cute to make him a digital mixtape. Creating a playlist of your favorite songs (or his favorite songs) is way more informal than making an actual mixtape or burning songs onto a CD (who even has CDs anymore?!). Plus, it’s a thoughtful surprise that will make him think of you when he listens to it.
So you could compile a list of your favorite songs right now or a list that will take him back to that awesome time he spent traveling in South America that he told you about on your date.
How will he be able to resist asking you on a second date after that?!
12. Give him a compliment
You want to avoid repeating anything you said on your first date, but giving him a thoughtful compliment based on his personality rather than his appearance is a great text to send. Mention how interesting it was to hear him talk about something specific, how you felt like he was a great listener, or how inspired you were by how passionate he was about his business.
Everyone loves receiving a compliment! You’ve just got to be careful that you don’t go OTT here because you don’t want to seem desperate.
Send him something like this:
“It was great to meet you last night! I always like people who XYZ.”
“Last night was awesome! Hearing you talk about XYZ was super interesting.”
13. Offer to teach him something!
If you’re wondering what to text a guy after a first date to snag yourself a second, think about what he told you he’s terrible at that you’re actually pretty good at.
Maybe he said he’s a lousy cook (burns toast all the time), or he cannot draw or paint anything even if his life depended on it.
Think about your strengths, and give yourself a chance to shine.
“I feel bad that you’re basically living on beans and (burnt) toast. I know you said mac and cheese is food of the Gods, so I’d love to show you how to make it sometime 🙂”
“So I know you said you can’t paint to save your life, but there’s this painting class where you go and paint whatever you want and drink wine, and I hear it’s a lot of fun! Maybe it’ll loosen those hands up a little!”
14. Tell him you had fun
Although this text sounds a little simple, letting the guy know you had fun on your date makes it clear that you enjoyed his company and getting to know him. Sometimes, this is all a guy needs to have the confidence to ask you on a second date.
“Tonight was fun. I had a great time getting to know you more!”
It can be difficult for men to read women. He might be a little insecure or new to dating again and unsure whether you want to see him again. This will give him a chance to either politely decline or give him the green light to ask you out again.
15. Feeling brave? Send him a voice note
This is a next-level text to send a guy after a first date. But it’s not for the faint-hearted! If you’re a bold, confident woman who can’t even remember the last she sent a text since voice notes were invented, this is for you.
The great thing about sending a voice note is it’s way more intimate and exciting than a text. Most people get loads of texts from dates, but how many get a voice note? This will make you stand out. Plus, you’ll be able to communicate through your tone of voice and lift the message of what you’re saying.
Something like this would be perfect:
“Hey (his name), I woke up with a smile on my face remembering our date last night! It was lovely to finally meet you.”
With this list, you’ll never be stuck wondering what to text a guy after a first date again! Save it, share it, print it out (if you’re old school like that), and get yourself that second date.
Next time you give one of these texts a go, tell me how it goes in the comments below!