Online dating has transformed how we date and widened our options, especially for those who always struggled to meet people in traditional settings. The common complaint today is that there are just so many people to date and no one who is that exciting, but there was a time not too long ago when it was a struggle even to find someone to date!
However, like all things, online dating has some downsides, including catfishes, scam artists, and those guys messaging saying “send nudes” before you’ve even gone on a date. Some people suggest that having so many options and easy access to those options makes us more averse to commitment, but psychology professor and author Eli Finkel disagrees. While being interviewed by The Atlantic, he explained that when people find someone they really like and connect with, they quickly become disinterested in other options.
A whopping 12% of U.S adults say they have been in a committed relationship or married someone they met through a dating site or app. And I strongly believe the benefits of online dating outweigh the drawbacks if you’re single and looking for love. So, who are the guys to avoid when using online dating sites? How can you tell a good guy online? Here’s everything you need to know and the 17 types of guys to watch out for.
17 online dating guys to avoid
1. The scam artist
If any man you meet on a dating site ever asks you for a favor or, worse, for money, run. Immediately stop talking, block him, and move your attention elsewhere.
Some of the common excuses men will give their victims are:
- “My rent is due, and my paycheck got lost in the mail.” Who even uses checks these days?
- “I need to attend my grandmother’s funeral out of state.” He probably doesn’t even have a grandmother.
- “I want nothing more than to be with you, but I need money so that I can move from X to the U.S.” If he doesn’t have the money to move, then he’s not going to have any money when he gets there either.
No self-respecting, genuine man will ask a woman he has just met for money. Men are too proud to do this, even with friends and family they’ve known for decades.
Remove your wallet and bank account from the equation. These are not part of the package.
2. The liar
Although you can be deceived by one of these guys in real life, they’re much easier to spot than when you’re talking online. Luckily, there are a few red flags to watch out for. These include bragging or outlandish claims in his profile or a picture or profile that looks fake.
The number one thing men tend to lie about in their dating profiles is their height. Unfortunately, you won’t know if he’s telling the truth about this until you meet up in person. But if it feels like he’s trying too hard to impress you in general, you might have a liar on your hands.
3. The complainer
The complainer is the man who always looks on the dark side of life and whose cup is always half empty. Instead of telling you what he loves and the kind of woman or relationship he’s looking for, he’ll go to great lengths to tell you what he’s not looking for. It’ll feel like this man has a big chip on his shoulder because he does.
Here are just a few lovely examples of Mr. Complainer:
- “Don’t message me if you aren’t thin and don’t look like your profile photo.”
- “Don’t copy or share my photos.”
- “Don’t lie about anything, especially your age.”
- “Don’t contact me if you’re not going to talk.”
You haven’t even talked to him yet. Imagine what he’s like in a relationship?!
4. Online dating guys to avoid: The married one
Next up on the list of guys on dating apps to avoid is the guy secretly married but pretending he’s single. Yes, there are guys like this online.
This one is a little difficult to spot. He might say all the right things in his profile and seem like a wonderful catch when you eventually chat. But a couple of things to watch out for include no photos on his profile, him suggesting you meet up out of town, or being very secretive about the details of his life.
If you’re unsure whether a man is telling you the truth, it can never harm to run a quick google search of his photo or name and see if there are any recent photos of him with another woman or with a ring on his wedding finger.
5. The one with no photos
The guy with zero photos on his profile is high up on the list of online dating guys to avoid like the plague. Or if all his photos are blurry or dark, or he’s wearing a disguise in most of them like sunglasses or a large hat.
Granted, some guys are more on the shy side. And I think it’s fair to say that we all have insecurities about how we look and putting ourselves out there to be judged. But it’s probably not a coincidence if you can’t quite see how he looks. There’s something he doesn’t want the world to see or know. He might be in a relationship and looking to cheat, or he might be catfishing.
6. The love bomber
Have you ever met a guy online who came on really strong? It’s like it’s love at first sight. Since you matched, he has been messaging, calling, emailing, and wanting to take you out every night of the week. He has told you that you are the most beautiful woman in the world, and he has fallen head over heels in love with you. You’ve only known the guy for a couple of weeks!
This is what love bombing looks like.
The truth is, no one falls in love that fast, at least not in a real, long-lasting way. A genuine long-term relationship takes time to develop because this is how you build trust, intimacy, and emotional attraction.
It’s common for narcissists, players, and psychos to behave intensely at the start because it’s all part of their mind games to get you under their spell and see how easy you are to control.
7. The one who can’t wait
Another of the online dating guys to avoid is the one who throws a tantrum when you take longer than five minutes to reply to his message. He’ll sulk, he’ll complain, and he’ll try and make you feel you’ve done something wrong by actually having a life.
He’s also the guy who will pressure you to meet up with him after you’ve exchanged one message. Now, I’m all for quick meetups because you don’t want to waste your time talking to a guy for months online without meeting him and seeing whether you have a great connection in real life. But he shouldn’t be pressuring you to do anything or change your mind, and it shouldn’t come across as needy or desperate.
There’s a strong chance this guy is insecure, jealous, controlling, or just looking to hook up.
8. Online dating guys to avoid: The rescheduler
Granted, there are valid reasons why someone might need to reschedule a date. His kids might be sick; there may have been an unexpected death in his family; he might have a big project at work that demands his attention, and so on. So if a guy does need to reschedule plans with you, give him the benefit of the doubt the first time around. Be compassionate and put yourself in his shoes.
However, if he does it a second time, that doesn’t look good. Some men on dating sites have no intention of taking a woman on a date. They’re on the site for an ego boost. They’ll match with everyone hoping for some matches back. They want to know that other women find them attractive and want to date them.
Why? He might be in a relationship or hate women and love messing with their heads. Whatever his reason, don’t let any man treat you like a disposable option. Don’t wait around for someone who seems to be playing games. Ask yourself, what would a high-value woman do in this scenario?
9. The player
How can you tell a player on online dating?
This guy is the total opposite of the guy with no photos. He has plenty of them. The only thing is, most of them are photos of him with other women. He loves women, gets around, and wants everyone to know it. This guy is a true ladies’ man.
You can’t fault him if he’s honest with you about the photos. But if he tries to tell you they’re his friends or relatives, don’t believe him. Nobody wants to show off their relatives that much! Either way, do you want to date a guy juggling this many women?
Another clue that you’ve got a player on your hand is if he gets your name wrong or refers to you as “hun,” “babe,” or “sweetheart.” He’s not being cute; he’s just got so many women in rotation that he can’t remember your names and is doing his best not to confuse them!
Guys like this are unlikely to settle down, at least not right now. And if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, this guy will probably not be it.
10. The one who won’t meet you IRL
You match with this guy, and things seem to be going great. He’s making you laugh, the conversation is flowing, and you’re starting to think he’s worth going on a date with. There’s just one problem. He never asks you out.
If you’ve spoken to a guy on five separate occasions and he still hasn’t mentioned meeting up in real life, then take charge and tell him you’d like to meet up and get to know him better.
If he’s hesitating, stalling, or says he thinks it’s too soon, time to shout NEXT!
11. The ghost
If you decide to try online dating (which I think you should), you will inevitably come across a ghost or two. These guys will build a connection with you, disappear for a week or month, and resurface again without any explanation. Some ghosts will reappear years later because they are that brazen and selfish.
The first time a guy behaves like this, don’t respond. Put him in the past, and move on. Guys like this are players and enjoy messing with your head. They love the power of being able to flit in and out of women’s lives, knowing that they’ll let them back in. Don’t give him the satisfaction. You deserve a man who is reliable and cares enough to give you a text back. This is not a big ask.
12. Online dating guys to avoid: The sexter
The clue is in the name here, ladies. The sexter is not looking for anything apart from sex. He’ll be the first to send you a dick pic, ask you to “send nudes,” or talk dirty to him even before you’ve gone on a date.
A man genuinely interested in getting to know you and forming a long-term relationship will not be so focused on physical assets. So if you’re looking for something serious, be aware of these red flags in online dating and avoid these guys.
13. The one who doesn’t listen
While it’s impossible to fully gauge what a person is like when you first chat with them online, there will be certain signs that give you a good indication of their potential as a partner. One of these signs is how good of a listener he is. Does he remember what you tell him? Does he ask you questions? Is your conversation flowing two ways rather than being one-sided?
Communication is essential for any successful relationship, so look for signs of strong communication from the start. If he’s not listening to you now, he probably won’t listen to you in the future.
14. The rebounder
What are the red flags with online dating?
A clear one is when a man has just gotten out of a serious relationship or is perhaps in the middle of a messy divorce.
Even if it was an amicable breakup, everyone needs some alone time to heal and fully move on. If we don’t give ourselves this space, we won’t be in the right headspace for a new relationship.
Be wary of anyone who tells you they just got out of a relationship or anyone who is constantly name-dropping their ex. Guys like this are likely rebounding. They’re probably on a dating site or app because they’re trying to mend their broken heart or quickly regain what they’ve lost.
15. The one who doesn’t stop texting
The opposite of the ghost is the guy who doesn’t know when to stop texting. He’s the guy who messages you more often than anyone else and in every way he can: in the app, texts, calls, emails, and even social media. And it won’t be long before you find his presence overwhelming or annoying!
Nothing screams low value more than someone who is always on their phone. It paints the picture that they don’t have a life and are waiting on the end of their phone to talk to someone they barely even know.
16. Online dating guys to avoid: The frat boy
It’s natural for a man to have one or two photos on his profile of him having a good time with his friends. But if all his photos contain beer pong, keg stands, and body shots, chances are this guy is still mentally in college and living the frat boy life.
If you want a mature, grown-up man who isn’t living in a bachelor pad and boozing every weekend with his buddies, best to skip this guy.
17. The one who says he’s “not looking for anything serious”
Finally, on our list of online dating guys to avoid is the one who openly states that he is “not looking for anything serious” or “only interested in hookups” in his profile bio. When a guy tells you this, it’s not code for “the right woman will make me want to settle down and commit.”
Believe him when he says this. He’s just looking to have some fun, and that’s okay because he’s being honest about it. You’ve gotta respect that.
Unless you’re looking for some casual, no-strings-attached fun, don’t waste your time talking to this guy.
Avoid these guys when dating online, and you’ll set yourself up for the best chance of meeting a great guy with good intentions and no hidden agenda who is looking for all the same things you are.
I’d love to know if you’ve ever encountered one of the guys on this list? Tell me all about it in the comments below!