Are you tired of being single and ready to find the man and relationship of your dreams?
It’s not that there’s anything wrong with being single. Being single is fun, exciting, and often much easier than being in a relationship. It’s no surprise that the US Census Bureau reported that in 2016, over 50% of American women and 46% of men were single, while a 2014 Pew report predicts that by the time young adults today reach the age of 50, a quarter of them will never have married.
But when you’re constantly surrounded by friends who are loved up, cringe-worthy social media posts sharing #relationshipgoals, and you find yourself home alone yet again on a Sunday evening with no one to split a bottle of rosé with, it’s easy to get tired of the single life. And if you’re a woman, there’s often more stigma attached because society convinces you that there’s something wrong with you if you’re not coupled up, which, by the way, is total garbage. It’s perfectly okay to be single.
But if you’re genuinely ready to meet someone (for the right reasons) and build a shared life together, I’m here to help.
14 steps to take if you’re tired of being single
1. Remember: there is nothing wrong with you!
One of the main reasons why women are so sick of being single is because there’s this deep-rooted belief that being single equals being sick. And it sounds crazy when you say it that way, right? But this is how many of us view the single life.
When someone asks you if you have a partner and you say no, it will often be followed up with, “Aw, don’t worry, you’re a great catch; you’ll find someone soon!” And we don’t realize how strange this is until we flip it around. Imagine if you told someone you are married, and they said, “Aw, don’t worry, you’ll be single soon!” We live in a world where being in a relationship and getting married is deemed the norm and the preferred way to live, which automatically paints singledom as undesirable. We’ve got to stop doing this!
So, instead of feeling sorry for yourself because you’re tired of being single, shift your perspective and focus on everything good in your life; all you have to be grateful for, the amazing people already in your life and the opportunities that flow your way every day. The fact that you don’t have to share your king-size bed with anyone, and you can book vacations on a whim and flirt with pretty much anyone when the mood takes you.
When you focus on abundance rather than lack, the universe will give you more of the good stuff.
2. Ditch your timeline
You ladies have a lot more pressure on you to couple up and settle down because of your biological clocks, which often leads to you setting a rigid timeline for your life.
“I must be married by the time I’m 30.”
“I must have my first child before I turn 35.”
“Before I turn 50 I must remarry, which means I’ve got exactly 92 days to find a man and elope with him in Bali like Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love.”
If you’re tired of being single, what I want you to do is ditch your timeline. Because you might think it’s helping you stay on track with your love life goals, but what it’s actually doing is putting more pressure on you and hindering your chances of making good decisions and finding the right relationship. Timelines are great for career goals and have probably helped you climb the corporate ladder and thrive at work, but dating is a different ball game.
I’ve coached a lot of women in my 12+ years as a dating coach, and what I’ve found time and time again is the moment you get comfortable with being single and lose the panic and desperation is the moment you’ll find love.
3. Use this time to get to know and love yourself
Little Love Step #1 of my 7 Little Love Steps is to build your sexy confidence by learning to love yourself and recognize your value. Why? Because confidence shines from within. And one of the most attractive qualities in a woman is when she’s sure of herself and what she wants and knows what she brings to the table.
Whenever you feel lonely without a partner, use this time to get to know yourself more intimately, grow as a woman, and figure out what you truly want from a relationship. Who you are today is likely very different from the woman you were five or ten years ago, especially if you’ve recently come out of a long-term relationship. Studies show that single people experience more personal growth and development than married people. So even if you desire a relationship, while you’re single, devote time to your hobbies and interests and self-love and self-care.
4. Spend more time with other singletons
I’m sure you have close friends and family members who are happily coupled up, and of course, you want to spend time with them because you cherish those relationships. But if you’re tired of being single, make sure you don’t just hang out with couples because otherwise, you’re going to feel the weight of being single even more (especially if you’re constantly third-wheeling), and you’re way less likely to meet someone.
Our Love Accelerator program has an incredible online community of single women who connect with and support each other through the entire dating process. We’ve had a ton of feedback from women saying that this resource is invaluable to them. Think about other communities of single people you could join online or in your local area.
5. Make dating a priority
Most women I work with are driven, career women who have reached the top of their industry and live full, vibrant lives. The problem is that they struggle to make dating a priority.
“I don’t have time to set up my online dating profiles!”
“I don’t have time to spend 30 minutes checking out new matches online!”
“Who the heck has time to go on a few dates each week?! Not me!”
The reality is that if you’re not making time for dating, then you’re significantly reducing your chances of meeting someone. You’re not going to meet anyone if you’re not actively searching or sitting home alone every Friday night with Ben & Jerry.
If something is important to us, we make time for it. So if you’re tired of being single and genuinely want to find a relationship, you’ve got to prioritize your love life the same way you prioritize your work.
6. But don’t make it your entire life!
I want you to make dating a priority, but at the same time, it shouldn’t be your whole life. Nothing screams low-value more than a woman who spends an entire day with a man she’s just met or is always available whenever he texts or calls because she has nothing more exciting going on.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – no man wants a life with you unless you have an amazing life without him. So focus on building an awesome, rich, colorful life. Make dating one of many priorities in your life.
As a general rule, a first date should be no longer than two hours, and always make sure you’ve got plans straight after so that you don’t stick around. Limit yourself to one or two dates each week. Keep him wanting more. Save your time and energy for other areas of your life that are equally important. This way, you’ll also avoid dating burnout.
7. Find something fun about dating
When you’re tired of being alone and bored of being single, you’re most likely in need of some motivation to start dating again and putting yourself out there. I’ve found the best way to do this is to find something fun about dating, something that excites you, something you look forward to.
Maybe it’s getting dressed up and looking your best, heading to a new restaurant or art gallery, or meeting someone new and having a unique experience that you’ll never have with anybody else. If you think about it, there has to be at least one thing you love about the dating process. You won’t do it if it’s not fun, so focus on having fun!
8. Don’t give up after a string of crummy dates
Many women experience a string of crummy dates or bad relationships and then give up on dating altogether. But if you’re tired of being single, you’ve got to pick yourself up and put yourself out there. After all, this is the nature of dating. Sometimes you’ll be unlucky and end up on a date with a guy who looks like he hasn’t showered in a week, and other times you’ll meet someone who looks way better than his profile picture and restores your faith in men.
Continue to meet and date a variety of men, even if there isn’t an initial spark or you’re not sure it’s a good fit. After all, people can surprise you, and sometimes the spark takes a little while to develop.
Dating can be uncomfortable, but it’ll be worth it in the end when you meet your dream man and can finally start to build a life together. Give up now, and there’s no way you’ll meet him.
9. Keep your standards high but know that there’s no Mr. Perfect
You should absolutely have high standards when dating and not lower them for anyone. You’re a high-value woman; naturally, you’re looking to meet a high-value man who meets your love vision.
Sometimes women don’t have high enough standards, which leads to them staying in mediocre relationships that stunt their growth. Other times, women have insanely high standards to the point where they’re looking for someone who is 6″5, has a perfect body, a full head of hair, seven figures in the bank, no baggage like exes or kids, the culinary skills of a Michelin star chef, a magnetic personality, and doesn’t snore. In other words, they’re looking for perfection, and I’m sorry to burst the bubble, but perfect does not exist!
Don’t settle for someone good enough, but remember that there is no perfect guy out there. We all have flaws (you and I included), and successful relationships require hard work, communication, acceptance, compromise, and patience.
10. Get clear on the man & relationship you’re looking for
Little love step #2 centers on creating your love vision, i.e., reflecting deeply on the man and relationship compatible with your future. This step is crucial because, without it, you’ll continue to choose the wrong men and end up in the wrong relationships. How can you possibly know when the right man comes along if you don’t even know what the right man looks like?
I’m not talking about his physical appearance. You might be a tall lady, so meeting a man taller than you may be high on your list, and that’s fine. But your love vision will predominantly be filled with qualities and values that mirror the kind of person you are and the life you want to live.
For example, maybe you aren’t interested in having kids of your own, so ideally, you want to meet a man who already has kids or doesn’t want any. Or if you know you want to retire in Italy, then you’re looking for a man who is also keen to travel and flexible about where he lives.
11. Be the kind of person you want to date
Tired of being single and lonely? Instead of focusing on the ideal man you want to meet (and getting frustrated that he’s not showing up), take some time to focus on being the kind of person you want to date. If you’re looking for someone kind, adventurous, and hard-working, are you embodying those qualities yourself? Because we tend to attract people who are a mirror of ourselves. Similarly, if you’re looking for someone who loves and respects you, you must first love and respect yourself.
12. Make an effort to meet new people
If you’re tired of being single, you’ve got to make a conscious effort to meet new people; otherwise, you will remain single for the rest of your life!
In Love Accelerator, every woman keeps a weekly “social score.” Each month, she has to meet a set number of new people, and everyone in the community holds each other accountable.
If you’re struggling to meet new people, think about taking new classes that interest you, joining a gym, attending a networking event, or going speed dating. There are endless places to meet men, so you have no excuses! Who knows who you’ll end up meeting?
13. Work with a dating coach
If you’ve been single for some time now and you’re following a lot of the advice in this article but still not having much luck, consider enlisting the help of a dating coach. The thing about dating and finding love is it requires having a proven strategy, just like any other goal does. Nobody gets taught how to date or build a healthy relationship, so most of us end up mirroring what we see our parents and friends doing, and the problem is, a lot of these templates aren’t recipes for success!
14. Stop focusing on the destination and enjoy the journey
My final words of wisdom to any woman looking to find the man and relationship she desires is to quit focusing on the end goal. Stop thinking you’ll be happy when you have a boyfriend, a proposal, or a wedding. If you live your life this way, you’ll never be satisfied in the present moment. Because you’re placing your happiness on external factors that are totally out of your control.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to start enjoying your life where you are today. Learn to enjoy the process of dating, meeting new people, and having new experiences. Trust that you’ll meet the right man in time.
Are you tired of being single? Pick one of these steps to implement in your life this week, and tell me all about it in the comments below.
And remember you’re not sick, you’re single, so have fun!