Have you ever wondered, “how do guys get emotionally attached to women?”
I’ve been working as a dating coach for more than 12 years, and I’ve noticed that most women have no problem meeting men and establishing that initial physical attraction. The problem is developing that into something deeper, building emotional attraction, and moving things from the dating stage to an exclusive, committed relationship.
Men end up ghosting, flaking, or running hot and cold, leading to women thinking that all men are commitment-phobes who are only interested in hooking up. But this is not the truth. Most guys do want a long-term relationship. But unless they become attached to a woman on a deeper, emotional level, the physical attraction will eventually fade, and they’ll move on. Emotional attraction is the make or break of a relationship.
So, what exactly is emotional attachment, and what makes a man emotionally attached to a woman? Let’s find out.
What is emotional attachment?
What does it mean to be emotionally attached to a guy?
Emotional attachment is when a man develops intense feelings of closeness and/or affection to a woman that contributes to a long-term, meaningful relationship over time. When an emotional attachment is present, we feel safe, secure, and have a sense of belonging that enables us to open our hearts and be vulnerable with someone.
Do guys get as attached as women do?
Women are known for being more emotional and in touch with their feelings than men are. But men have just as many emotions as women, even if they aren’t as comfortable expressing them.
Men are a lot better at hiding their emotions. We learn to do this at a very young age when we’re told not to cry or to “man up” and are influenced by beliefs of a masculine-heavy society that discourages feminine behavior.
How do you know if a guy is emotionally attached?
When a man becomes emotionally attached to a woman, he will start to show up differently and say and do things that he wouldn’t do if he were merely physically attracted to her.
Signs he is emotionally attached to you:
- He calls and texts you often (not at 2 AM – that’s a booty call)
- He has told you he doesn’t want to see other people
- He wants to see you often and spend quality time with you (outside of the bedroom)
- He makes future plans with you
- He shares feelings and personal matters with you
- He asks for your opinion
- He communicates with you during stressful periods
- He lets himself be emotional with you
- He introduces you to his loved ones
How do guys get emotionally attached? Here’s how to deepen your connection
1. Flirt with him
The first step in how to make a guy emotionally attached to you is to build a fun and flirty connection with him. Resist the urge to try and go too deep with a man too soon. You’ve got to let this happen organically and pace your relationship (more on this later).
Little Love Step #3 is about getting out the door, meeting quality men, and practicing your flirting skills to attract the man who matches your love vision. Flirting requires you to lean into your feminine energy, which will draw him to you. Who doesn’t love being flirted with? Over time, he’ll start associating you with feelings of happiness and familiarity, which is an integral foundation for getting him to open up and form an emotional connection.
2. Be intentional while dating
If you want to establish that all-important emotional attraction, you’ve got to be intentional with how you date. It’s normal to keep conversations light and surface-level when you first meet a man and get to know him.
“Where are you from?”
“What’s your take on peanut butter cups?”
“What’s your sign?”
But after the first few dates with a man, it’s natural to move things up a notch and start learning more about each other. The most important thing to remember here is to be intentional about when you go deeper. Too soon, and you’ll send the message that you’re a low-value woman. Wait too long, and things might fizzle out before they can heat up.
3. Be someone he loves being around
We all know some Debbie Downers or Negative Neils constantly complaining or moaning about something. They’re like a permanent gray cloud, and there’s a 100% chance of rain anytime you’re standing near them.
No one enjoys being around someone like this. Why? Because it doesn’t feel good. It brings you and your vibration down to their level. It can sometimes feel like they’re actually draining the energy out of you like a blood-sucking vampire.
One of the key steps in forming an emotional attachment with a man is to make sure you’re a beacon of light and positivity. Men want to be around women who make them feel good. That doesn’t mean you must constantly be smiling and laughing – of course, we all have bad days. But when you’re with a man you’re dating, bring your A-game. You’ll be amazed how much better this makes you feel too.
4. Deepen the foundation of trust
You can’t trust a man you met in your local coffee house last week. Who knows who he is and what his intentions are? It’s impossible to know. But the more you get to know someone, the easier it becomes to trust them. Why? Because they’ve consistently shown up. You get a better sense of who they are. And they’ve had more opportunities to show you that they can (or cannot) be trusted.
In my exclusive coaching program Love Accelerator, I share what I call my trust formula.
5. The Trust formula = Consistency x Time
The more consistent someone is and the longer you’ve known them, the more you can trust them.
Building trust is one of the important parts of forming an emotional attachment. You can do this by coming through on your word, communicating effectively, being honest and consistent, and admitting when you’re wrong.
6. Go deeper in conversation
How do guys get emotionally attached? Through deep, authentic conversations we don’t often have with other people in our lives. Think about it. How real are your exchanges with your co-workers, the guy who makes your coffee each morning, and the mailman? In reality, we tend to have surface-level conversations with most people, where the most exciting topic of discussion is usually the weather.
So, one of the best ways to build emotional attraction is to gradually go deeper in your conversations.
There are two ways to do this:
1. Ask more thoughtful questions (click here for ideas)
“What does a “perfect” day look like to you?”
“What’s the greatest achievement of your life so far?”
“How have you changed over the last five years?”
2. Ask why
Anytime he shares a thought or opinion with you, follow up with “why?” This is a great way to shift the conversation to a deeper setting.
7. Open up and be vulnerable
Opening up and being vulnerable with someone we don’t know is daunting. There’s a fear of being laughed at, feeling rejected, or humiliated, especially if this has happened in the past. But if you’re wondering how to get a guy emotionally attached to you, you’ve got to take a step to open up and be vulnerable with him. That doesn’t mean you bare your soul and lay everything out on the table on date number three. But it does mean starting to steer the conversation in a more intimate direction and having the courage to share some personal thoughts and feelings. If you open up, he’ll instantly feel more comfortable opening up to you.
8. Give him permission to be vulnerable
Even though we say we want men to be more emotional, many of us tend to cringe when we see them displaying emotions. Couple this with growing up in a society where boys are taught from birth that being vulnerable is weak, and you’ve got an army of men who keep everything bottled up.
If you want a man to get emotionally attached, you must first give him permission to open up and be vulnerable with you. You’ve got to make him feel comfortable enough to lean into his inner feminine and bare his feelings. Can he talk to you about anything? Do you actively listen to him? Are you able to reserve judgment?
He has to feel safe and secure enough with you to open up. He has to know you’ll respect him and be empathetic and understanding no matter what he shares.
9. Get emotionally intimate
A lot of women confuse physical intimacy with emotional intimacy.
Do men get emotionally attached after having sex? Not the way that women do. Women’s brains are wired to become more attached to someone they’ve slept with, which is why the whole casual hookup setup often ends in the woman developing feelings and getting hurt.
Newsflash: you don’t have to get physical with a man to build emotional attachment. In fact, it’s better to hold off on the physical side of things at first because this helps slow the pace of your relationship and gives him something to work for.
Having physical, meaningless sex is easy, but getting emotionally intimate is much more of a challenge.
So, how do you get more emotionally intimate with a man?
- Get out of your comfort zone
- Practice being an engaged listener
- Create a safe space for him to open up
- Take your time
10. Create emotional safety for him
How do men develop an emotional attachment to women? By feeling like they can talk to you about anything. His hopes, dreams, and fears. When a woman is easy to talk to, a man will share things he typically wouldn’t share with anyone – even his closest friends. If he feels safe and without risk of being judged, he’ll be more willing to express his deepest thoughts and feelings.
So the next time he’s sharing a struggle at work with you, or having a moral dilemma about something, make him feel safe and comfortable. Be fully present when you listen to him. Reserve judgment. Sense when it’s time to listen versus offering help or fixing a problem. Sometimes men will want your opinion and help to solve something, but other times they’ll merely want you to listen. It’s true what they say: a problem shared is a problem halved.
11. Give him space to pursue you
I touched on the concept of pacing a little earlier in this article, which is what I call Little Love Step #5. A common mistake women make when dating a guy they like is taking things way too fast. They’ll see him, call, and text too much, creating a low-value vibe.
The guy ends up pulling away and losing interest.
Because it’s too easy, there’s no chase. You’re handing him everything on a plate.
And when a guy starts pulling away, women will often try to overcompensate by taking complete control of the situation, calling all the shots in an attempt to create the relationship they desire. But this positions you as the chaser and leaves the guy as the one being chased, which most men aren’t comfortable with, so they end up withdrawing even further.
One of the best ways to get a guy emotionally attached to you is by giving him space to pursue you. Let him be the chaser. Don’t play games, but be naturally hard to get because you have a vibrant life without him. This is attractive and will naturally draw men to you even more.
12. Accept him for who he is
Human beings are flawed – we all have our strengths and weaknesses. And being in a relationship often makes us more aware of our flaws as we try to build a shared life with another person. If you want to create an environment where a guy gets emotionally attached to you, you’ve got to show him that you accept him for all of him – flaws and all.
On the other hand, if you poke fun at his weaknesses or judge or criticize him, he’s likely to shut down and withdraw from you because he feels unaccepted. So don’t try to change him. If you can’t accept and appreciate him the way he is, it’s time to date someone else!
FYI: I’m not talking about deal-breaker weaknesses here like being verbally abusive or a pathological liar or refusing to communicate – flaws like these have to be addressed and resolved; otherwise, there’s no chance of building a healthy relationship.
13. Appreciate him
When was the last time you made your man feel truly appreciated? Guys get emotionally attached to women when they express gratitude and appreciation for them. Everyone likes to feel wanted.
So think about small things he does or says that mean a lot to you. Send him a text, leave a note in his jacket pocket, or tell him the next time you’re cuddled up on the sofa.
“I really appreciate it when you do X.”
“When you say X, it makes me feel Y.”
“I love the way you do X.”
14. Maintain your independence, but make him feel needed
I always tell my clients that no man will want a life with you unless you have an amazing life without him. That means maintaining your independence at all times, even after getting into an exclusive relationship with a man. Have your own job, your own apartment, your own friends, and your own hobbies and interests. You should be happy and thriving without him.
If you become too dependent on a man, he’s likely to pull away. Strike a healthy balance between nourishing yourself, spending quality time with him, and making him feel needed. This is the sweet spot for developing that all-important emotional connection.
15. Be patient
Women often form emotional attachments more easily than men, and some men end up going at a snail’s pace to “get there.”
So, how long should you wait before giving up on him completely and shouting my favorite four-letter word, “NEXT?”
If you’ve been dating a guy for 3-4 months and there are still no signs that he is getting emotionally attached to you, don’t automatically write him off. He may be dealing with some past experiences where he’s been hurt. Sometimes you need to give a guy a little more time – every man is different. So be patient, but don’t wait around forever, and let him know that you’re not prepared to.
16. Create clear boundaries
Here’s how to get someone emotionally attached to you: know your boundaries and communicate these to him. This is what I call Little Love Step #6. A high-value man will respect you for your honesty. When you’re ready for an exclusive relationship, it’s vital that you make this clear and set the foundation of your new relationship. This is key if you want your relationship to thrive long-term.
So that’s how guys get emotionally attached to women. And if you follow the Little love Steps when dating, you’ll naturally build a connection over time that is both emotional and physical with a man who meets your love vision and the shared life you want to develop.
Over to you. What’s the biggest giveaway sign that a man you’re dating or in a relationship with has become emotionally attached to you? Let me know in the comments below!