Do you have a guy friend you’re starting to like romantically?
Your heart does a somersault when he texts.
You’ve already imagined what your wedding day would look like.
And anytime he mentions another woman, you roll your eyes.
In your head, you think you might make an awesome couple, but you’re not quite sure whether he’s on the same page. What are the signs he only sees you as a friend vs. the signs that he likes you as more than a friend?
As a dating coach for over a decade, I’ve received countless questions on this topic from women who are tired of being confused. They want to know whether the man in question is into them or not so they can move on with their lives already. And if you’re in a similar situation right now, chances are you want answers too.
So, in this article, I’ll share with you all the signs a guy only likes you as a friend so that you can shout my favorite four-letter word, “NEXT,” and move on to a guy who feels the same way you do. Because at the end of the day, your time is precious, and I don’t want you to waste a minute of it pursuing a guy who is not interested. Every minute you waste with a man like this is a minute that could be spent meeting and dating other men and potentially finding the love and relationship you desire.
And if you’re looking for signs that he likes you as more than a friend, check out this article:
17 signs he only sees you as a friend
1. He treats you like one of the guys
First up on the signs that he only sees you as a friend rather than a romantic possibility is that he treats you the way he treats his buddies.
So, what do I mean by that?
He calls you “dude,” or “bro,” or “homey,” or by your last name.
When a man does this, it’s because, in his mind, you are one of the guys. No man talks like this to a woman he’s dating or in a relationship with!
So if you’re wondering, “does he see me as one of the guys?” pay attention to the terms he uses when talking to you or about you.
2. He rarely texts you first
One of the signs he only sees you as a friend through text is if you hardly ever hear from him. You’re the one hitting up his phone most of the time, asking how his skiing weekend in Switzerland was.
Sometimes he texts you back; other times, he leaves you hanging, and you won’t hear from him for days. You might talk to each other in a group chat, but that’s different. And he rarely reaches out to you first.
Because he has no reason to. You’re his friend, and he doesn’t see the need to keep a constant dialog with you.
If you’re nodding your head as you read this, what I want you to do is STOP texting him. Stop wasting your energy on pursuing this guy, and start directing that energy toward dating other guys who give a damn about texting you back.
3. You only see him as part of a group
Although you might see this guy regularly, it’s usually in a group setting. Someone’s organizing a weekend getaway to Malibu, or everyone’s going out for dinner and drinks to celebrate Matt’s new business deal.
And most of your conversations are pretty light-hearted, jokey, and surface-based, like, “how are the kids?” or “you need to burn that shirt, like, yesterday.” You never end up broaching deeper, more serious territory like, “what is the meaning of life?” or “is the President really an alien?”
You hardly ever spend quality one-on-one time with each other, and this guy doesn’t care because that’s more than enough time with you.
4. When you do hang out one on one, his attention is not on you
Another of the signs a guy likes you as a friend and nothing more is if he never quite gives you his full attention. Watch next time you’re together, particularly if it’s one of those rare occasions where it’s just the two of you.
Is he distracted?
Is he taking calls or texting other people or on a dating app?
Are his eyes wondering, particularly toward other women?
Is he actively listening to what you’re saying, or do his responses tell you he’s away with the fairies in Neverland?
When a man is romantically interested in you, he will make every second with you count and try to build a stronger connection. So if he’s disengaged when you’re together, it’s most likely because he’s not trying to pursue you romantically.
And while we’re on the topic of hanging out, another sign he only sees you as a friend is if he goes 50/50 with you on everything—even if it’s just a coffee at Starbucks. He never treats you, even though he has more than enough to do so.
5. He doesn’t give you eye contact
Here’s how to tell if a guy wants to be friends or something more. Pay attention to where his eyes go. Usually, a man’s eyes will point to the person he is most attracted to in a room. When a man is attracted to a woman, he won’t be able to keep his eyes off her, even if he is borderline staring. And when you share eye contact with someone, chemistry starts to form.
If he only sees you as a friend, he won’t be looking at you very often. That couple next to you in the park that are having a full-on screaming match about whose fault it was that the toaster exploded that morning will be way more interesting to him than you.
6. He’s too comfortable around you
How do you know if a man is too comfortable around you? And surely it’s a good thing if he feels like he can be himself with you?
Yes, but there’s a line.
A man romantically interested in you might be comfortable enough to share his feelings and have a real conversation with you. However, he won’t be so comfortable that he decides it’s acceptable to burp in front of you or turn up sweaty and gross from playing football with the guys.
Those are all signs he only sees you as a friend and doesn’t care about keeping his manners or making a good impression in front of you.
7. He doesn’t make an effort with his appearance around you
When a man is attracted to a woman, he will try to impress that woman by styling his hair, spritzing on some aftershave, and making sure he looks his best.
One of the signs he only sees you as a friend is if you constantly see him looking his worst. Sweats seem to be the only things he owns, his car is always full of junk, and he’s in desperate need of a nose-hair trimmer.
8. You’ve got a little brother, big sister vibe going on
Do you find he jokes around and winds you up a lot?
You might have heard me say in a previous video or article that teasing is a good thing and a sign that a man is flirting with you because it is. But one of the signs he only sees you as a friend is if his teasing has more of a big brother/little sister vibe. There’s no eye contact, chemistry, or flirty conversation. He is literally just pulling your leg and messing around. Like that time he took a photo of when you were incredibly hungover after a night at the wine bar and tagged you in it on social media.
It’s not that he has bad intentions, but he doesn’t have romantic ones either.
9. He doesn’t return compliments
Does it sometimes feel like you’re this man’s personal cheerleader? You always notice when he gets a new shirt and tell him he looks good. You’re the first to congratulate him when he reaches a career goal and crack open the champagne. You go out of your way to compliment him all the time, but he never reciprocates. He might say thank you, but then he’ll change the subject or continue talking about himself.
It doesn’t matter if you dress up to the nines and look smoking hot. He always fails to acknowledge it. Much of the time, it’s because he hasn’t noticed because he’s not paying you that much attention. You could turn up in a raincoat at his door with the sexiest lingerie underneath, looking like a total bombshell, and flash him only for him to say, “ermmmm, I think you’ve got the wrong door?!”
These are all signs he’s keeping you locked into that friend zone.
10. He doesn’t flirt with you in public
Does he see you as a friend or more? Well, one of the signs he only sees you as a friend is if he never flirts with you in public.
He might ramp up the banter and sweet-nothings and work his charm on you when you’re alone, or it’s 1 AM on a Friday night. But when you’re in public, it’s almost like he’s a different man. Seriously though, is he a different man?
The charm has been dialed down, and the flirting is non-existent—unless he’s flirting with another woman.
11. And he’s only flirty when he wants to hook up
Be very wary of a man who does flirt with you when you’re alone but then switches it off like a tap. This is a clear sign he’s using you for sex. He might be physically attracted to you without having feelings and have zero intentions of taking things any further than friends with benefits.
If you’re looking for a relationship with this man, don’t be afraid to call him out when he behaves like this and ask him what his true intentions are. And whatever you do, if he’s not giving you the commitment you desire, DO NOT give him the benefits!
Because if he genuinely wants a relationship with you, it will be about more than something physical. And a true friend will be honest with you.
If he’s not being honest, you don’t want him as your partner, and you don’t want him as a friend either. Time to say, NEXT!
12. He isn’t afraid to tell you the truth (but sometimes it’s harsh!)
Next up on the signs he only sees you as a friend is that you can always count on him to tell you the truth, even if it’s a little harsh and you don’t want to hear it. It’s not that he means to be rude, but he is direct in his approach to you the way he is with guy friends. And usually, it’s something you need to hear and is in your best interests.
For example, if you’re dating someone who isn’t good for you, he’ll be straight and tell you. Or if you keep on bailing on group plans, he’ll call you out on it.
If he saw you as more than a friend, he would probably be more tactful in how he approaches things because he’d be more concerned about hurting your feelings or offending you. But a man who sees you as no more than a friend will not shy away from dropping truth bombs.
13. He maintains his physical space
A guy who is into you will want to be physically close to you as much as possible. That means he’ll find a way to sit next to you at a group dinner or aim his body toward you when you’re standing together at the bar. Maybe he’ll gently brush your arm or rest his hand on the small of your back as you leave a restaurant.
On the other hand, a guy who only sees you as a friend will keep some healthy space between you.
14. He talks about other women he’s attracted to
One of the clearest signs he only wants to be friends is if he talks to you about other women. A man interested in you will not do this because he wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea. Yes, he will probably still be covertly checking out other women occasionally, but you’re the one he keeps coming back to.
So if his eyes are constantly roaming and he’s always talking about women he thinks are hot when he’s with you, it’s clear he doesn’t want to pursue you romantically.
Now, you might be thinking, “but Adam, what if he’s doing it to make me jealous?”
If he’s in his teens or twenties, then maybe. But anyone older than that will be done playing childish games. If they’re not, that’s a major red flag (here are some others). Plus, if you’re noticing other signs on this list, then the chances are he isn’t trying to make you jealous and just doesn’t see you that way.
15. He dates other people
If a man is actively dating other people and is happy for you to know about it, then it’s a sign he only sees you as a friend.
The exception is if he’s trying to keep his dating life on the down low. For example, you ask him if he’s dating anyone, and he says no, or you’re hanging out as a group, and his friends ask him about his “girlfriend,” and he denies it at all costs, “she’s not my girlfriend!” And if this is the case, you have to question whether you even want to date someone acting so immaturely and disrespecting another woman.
16. He doesn’t get jealous if you’re dating other guys
Pay attention to how this man reacts when you receive other male attention. For example, is he the guy who always tells you when another man is checking you out? Does he try to set you up with people he knows who are potentially great matches? Does he ask you who you’re dating and not seem to give a flying one?
A man who is attracted to you and wants more than friendship will tend to get jealous of other male attention because he wants to be the only guy in your peripheral, and no one else will ever be good enough for you. A man who only sees you as a friend will not go green like the Hulk with envy.
17. He has never tried to make a move
Like we discussed earlier, booty calls at 1 AM when he’s lonely and wanting his ego (and something else 😉) stroked don’t count. Aside from those, has he ever tried to make a move? Have you shared any intimate moments? Has he ever alluded that he wants more than friendship with you? Has it ever felt like he might kiss you if he’d had one more whiskey in him?
If you’ve known this guy for months or even years, and he has never tried to make a move, it’s probably because he doesn’t think there’s anything there. That’s not to say you’re not good enough—you’re amazing. So don’t take it personally. Be so busy meeting other high-quality men (Little Love Step #3) that it doesn’t phase you. Seriously, join an online dating site right now.
Barry, who now?
What to do if he only sees you as a friend
- If you have developed romantic feelings for this guy, and he isn’t showing any signs of feeling the same way, don’t lose all hope. There is a possibility that he just hasn’t ever seen you in that light and is blind to what’s in front of him (it happens more often than you’d think).
- If you are good friends, and you think he might be interested in exploring more with you, weigh whether it’s worth risking your friendship. This will depend on how good of friends you are. But also remember that friendship is a fantastic foundation for a romantic relationship.
- And if you do decide to be open with him about your feelings, and he’s clear about just wanting to be your friend, you’ve got the closure you need, and it’s time to shout, NEXT!
Do you see any signs that he only sees you as a friend? What gave it away? And are you ready to get back into the dating scene, start meeting other guys, and attract the man and relationship you desire?
If you are, give me a “HECK YEAH, ADAM” in the comments below!